The Weekly Meat

Long-Haul Flying

The most daunting travel many of us face is the prospect of a long (8+ hours) flight — or series of flights — that will eventually land us in an entirely foreign country, or return us to our own.

Herewith — gathered from both personal experience, and some rich crowdsourcing — a few critical tips and tricks for those intrinsically hellish 14-hour long-haul flights.

• No kids. Nothing raises your blood pressure and makes every slight setback (one-hour delay, no more chicken meals, etc.) a major issue faster than traveling with kids. That said, once you've flown with kids, short-haul flying without them is a piece of cake. And long-hauling is achievable (one word: Benadryl). But if at all possible, leave the kids at home.
  
  
• Plan, dummy. The Interwebs make it easy to plan. So take some time completely obsessing about the trip to do so. Pick the best Airline (in-seat entertainment; choose your own adventure). Route. Layover.
  
  
• Go first class. People who fly first class from, say, New York to Boston, are rich, pompous asses, or frequent flyers with miles to burn. People who fly first class from, say, New York to Sydney are smart people we all envy. And if you can't swing first class, at least do some homework and get yourself a good seat.
  
  
• Choose drugs. Escape and relaxation are key on the long-haul. But alcohol, like altitude, dehydrates you — which makes life worse on the back-end of any long flight. Less so with many drugs — including, but not limited to, those that help you sleep. So bum an Ambien from a friend, save a Percoset from that root canal, kill a hobo for his Valium.
  
  
• Singapore Airlines. The best around. The US fliers are the hoopties of the service industry. Singapore Air is top shelf. If they fly to your destination, make it happen.
  
  
• Gear up. Be prepared. Load offline movies and content onto the iPad or phone. Charge everything. Bring your own comfortable headphones. Book; magazines; good snacks; plug adapters; layers of clothing; earplugs, eyeshade, toothbrush. Eat wisely: carbs before bed, protein to wake up with (even if it's a power bar).

• Location, location, location. Get an aisle seat, so you're not locked in. Hydrate enough so you have to get up and pee often. While you're at it, roam the aisles, stand against a bulhead, stretch your legs, your back. Exercise. Then watch another movie and go back sleep.

There you go, people. Now go. Go! Just don't take my goddamn aisle seat.

Kentucky Derby 139

Well, sportsfans, another year has passed, and here we are, approaching the first Saturday in May. Last year, I had promised a lengthy treatise on my handicapping system. But recent events and schedules have conspired against my writing a great many words of late, and it is easier to actually handicap than to document said handicapping. So, next year.

That said, this year is the perfect time to put my system to the test — as I have been utterly oblivious to Derby prep races and any sort of media surrounding the contenders.

And so, in preparing today's post, I've gone the route of straight old-school on-paper handicapping. I have not sought out any opinions, have no idea whom the railbirds and chiselers are picking (and probably won't read their picks till tomorrow); I haven't researched breeding on BloodHorse, nor watched prep race or workout videos. I have used only my addled brain, a pen, and a print-out of the past performances from America's Turf Authority since 1894.

Only one thing is for sure — I will slowly marinate myself in Kentucky bourbon while watching.

Per usual, the field consists of a half dozen with no business being here (mind you, just such a nag actually won the damn thing a few years back at 50-1), a half dozen genuine talents, and a few stretch runners hoping to get lucky.

ORB is the odds-on favorite, and has won his last four races fairly handily. His Beyer speed figures have been trending up, but have never broken 97. Which could point to either a good horse in over his head, or a great horse peaking at the right time.

The other rock star here (even bigger, to my thinking) is VERRAZANO — also undefeated in his last (and only) four starts. There is a definite Derby bias against horses who never raced as a two-year-old, and Verrazano falls into that category. Maybe the wisenheimers know more about the lightly- or un-raced two-year-olds than I do, but this is one of the few horses in the race who has shown real tactical speed. The question, of course, is whether he can handle the Derby's long mile-and-a-quarter distance.

A small step below these two is GOLDENCENTS, who has never finished out of the money, and may not Saturday either. If Goldencents can be had at decent odds (>5/1), I'd tap that.

Still, betting favorites never makes you much money, so if you want a longer betting play, have a closer look at two horses I like on paper: VYJACK (breaking from the far 20 post, be warned) and NORMANDY INVASION.

If you want a true longshot to bet, take a chance on CHARMING KITTEN, who doesn't seem to have enough speed to stick with the rest of the pack, but is arguably a closer, and who's been out of the money only once in seven races.

Yes. Now is the point where one would expect an actual prediction. But I'd prefer not to make one. I'll tell you why: The Kentucky Derby has become an overbooked race of overbred Barbie dolls too overworked and overwrought for their own canon bones. The $2 million purse brings a too-large field that dilutes the talent pool (it would be one hell of a race for, say, the 12 top three-year-olds). And the size of the field — and the auxiliary starting gate it necessitates — creates a dangerous fire drill scenario as said gates spring open.

Of course, time has been spent, and like Sam the butcher, my job (in this forum at least) is to deliver the meat. So, if I were to lay a $20 on the line — and spread it a bit, with the hopes of buying a nice dinner that night — here's where I'd put it:

• $5 PLACE on GOLDENCENTS
• $5 PLACE on NORMANDY INVASION
• $5 SHOW on VYJACK
• $5 SHOW on CHARMING KITTEN

There it is. I'll append this post-race to include the results. Which is to say, my winnings.

Tune in this Saturday on NBC from 5:00 on (post time is 6:24 EDT).

Remember to make your simple syrup early enough to chill it before mixing those Mint Juleps. And come on back to The Weekly Meat. Tasty vittles and libations on tap in the coming weeks — and next year for Derby week, I promise a lengthy treatise on my handicapping system.

 

Postscipt: Well, it turns out that ORB was indeed a great horse peaking at the right time. He ran a fantastic race, and trainer Shug MacGaughey — who has long been the Ray Bourque of horseracing — finally has his well-deserved Derby win.

And so I'd have lost my $20 in bets, without even beer money. But, as every Cubs fan knows, there's always next year.

 

Note: The Daily Racing Form, America's Turf Authority since 1894, neither endorses nor is affiliated in any way with the views and ramblings of BK, America's Dirt Authority Since 1968.

Local News

Not to get too David Simon about this, but the Boston Globe's coverage of the past two weeks has really been outstanding. Like the Times-Picayune, post-Katrina, they'll win a Pulitzer for their coverage of the Marathon bombings, and it will be entirely justified. But what they deserve as well is our subscriptions. Be it Sunday, or online, local newspapers deserve the ability to fund exactly the sort of in-depth reporting the Globe has been giving us — because we, in turn, deserve news coverage of a quality far greater than what the national outlets (think back to how lost CNN was a few weeks ago) tend to spoon out to us.

The Trouble with WMDs

It would appear that the trouble with labeling the Boston Marathon bombs "weapons of mass destruction" seems to be only that there is no National Pressure Cooker Association to successfully lobby Congress on behalf of the rights of lawful Americans wanting to use crock-pots for sporting purposes.

Because bombs don't kill people; people kill people. Do I have that right, Wayne LaPierre?

 

My Top 12 Deserted Island Albums

The thing about this exercise is that you have to think about longevity. If I were to be stuck with only 12 albums to listen to over a too-long period of time, I'd want the ability to choose between them based on mood, genre, and so on.

Herewith, then, my top dozen albums for your deserted island listening pleasure.

 

The Memphis Record — Elvis Presley
The slim, comeback-y Elvis was my favorite — albeit brief — era for him. Great songwriting on this record (not by him, of course); great arrangements; great, soulful performance. The King at the height of his game.

London Calling — The Clash
My introduction to The Clash, and to Punk, itself. Profound impact. 

Exile on Main Street — The Rolling Stones
If forced to choose, I'd have to say I'm more of a Stones guy than a Beatles guy. Several great albums to choose from, but for my money, you can't beat the workman-like churning blues of Exile....

At Folsom Prison — Johnny Cash
I love some of the American Recordings, but too much of it, and I'd probably commit suicide before I got off the island. Instead, I'll take this recording — which, like with Elvis's Memphis Record, bottles Johnny at the peak of his powers. 

Born to Run — Bruce Springsteen
Because it's still that good. That's why.

Horses — Patti Smith
Ditto.

Run-D.M.C. — Run-D.M.C.
Old school, with simplistic, now-cheesy drum beats, to be sure, but it takes me back. The bit of rap gold that always slays me is toward the end of Sucker MCs. After two+ minutes of listening to Run's young alto voice, DMC gets his chance with "I'm DMC in the place to be, I go to St. John's University; and since kinde-garten I acquired the knowledge; and after 12th grade I went straight to college" and he just booms.

Soul Station — Hank Mobley
I'll need some jazz. Tough call between this and Somethin' Else, but on an island, and wistful, Hank gets the nod over Cannonball Adderley.

My Aim Is True — Elvis Costello
I can't have Presley without Costello. This album is arguably his best.

Bringing It All Back Home — Bob Dylan
So much Dylan to choose from, but I'll take the creativity and fury of this record over the melancholy of Blood on the Tracks. Classic.

I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got — Sinéad O'Connor
I'll need a lady on the island to both whisper and scold in a way just as angry, but softer, than Patti Smith. I have a nostalgic attachment to this album, but it's an objectively strong one, and I'll listen to it often. 

1928 Sessions — Mississippi John Hurt
Because of how he was recorded, who he was, and how he sang and played, these Mississippi John Hurt recordings make you feel like you are his only audience. Some of the most intimate recordings I've ever heard.

 

And if you're going to bitch about the double albums on here (The Memphis Record, London Calling, and Exile...) you can go screw; I'm stuck on a frickin' deserted island here!

 

P.S. If we have similar musical tastes, you can follow me over on ThisIsMyJam, for some weekly gems.