The Sarah Palin Dictionary

Sure, it feels a tetch like piling on, when even the righties are calling for her head, but hell, John McCain continues to claim good judgment in these trying times, and so I must continue to dispute his claim. Still, I hope for this to be the last bit of politics on The Meat for a while. Perhaps best now to just sit back and watch while that creaky, titanic old ship tries with increasing despair to avoid the looming iceberg.

The following palincyclopedic primer ought to help us through the VP debate and beyond. And yes, by all means, please contribute additional entries in the Comments field, and I'll append this post as necessary.

Alaska — 1. Giant non-contiguous red state northwest of Canada. 2. Repository for earmarks and big oil money over which Herself lords and Putin's head rears.

also — The first and last word of most Palin sentences also. Excepting, of course, those that end with "You betcha."

doggone it — Studied homespun folksiness with which Herself loves to pepper her speech. Verdict: That dog don't hunt.

earmarks — 1. To designate/gift funds to a pet project or state that could not exist without them. 2. Visible scarring caused about the otic lobe by mating Palins.

Head of Skate — "Really bad Disney movie" starring Herself as a hockey mom.

hockey mom — A group (of purported lipstick-wearers [though generally not in the author's experience]) to which Herself desperately wants to belong, though the hockey moms no longer want her kind.

lipstick — A waxy, pigmented cosmetic worn on the lips by pigs and purportedly by hockey moms (though generally not in the author's experience).

Maverick — A rear-wheel drive gas-guzzling compact that gained some notoriety back during the era of the Vietnam War.

moose stew — Purportedly Herself's favorite meal. See also faux populist back-story.

nucular — "Folksy" nuclear pronunciation favored by Herself and by George W. Bush. Coincidence, or cause for (even greater) concern?

palbatross — Something that causes persistent deep concern or anxiety. See John McCain, health of.

palgebra — The fuzzy math used by Herself while making grandiose claims about her experience and, say, the U.S. domestic energy supply.

palienation — A withdrawing or separation of voters' affections from Herself.

palimeano — A journalist (or just Joe Six-Pack) who asks a "gotcha" question.  [Entry submitted by TWM reader JayDenver]

palimitator — Tina Fey.

palimmolation — The act of Herself sacrificing at the altar of public/media scrutiny beyond her RNC acceptance speech.

palimprovisation — Unflattering and painful stammering and generalities that occur when journalists ask questions that demand knowledge of the issues. See also deer moose in headlights.

palinability — The lack of sufficient capability to be Vice President. See also Quayle, J. Danforth.

palinanity — Lack of substance; vapid, pointless, or fatuous character.

palinauguration — Please, God, no.

palincantation — A written or recited formula of words designed to produce a particular effect. See also "I told them 'Thanks but no thanks' on that bridge to nowhere."

palinception — The commencement of human life that happens when Palins mate. Often results in names including but not limited to Bristol, Piper, Track, Willow, and Trig.

palincinerator — See Couric, Katie.

palindigestion — What Herself causes John McCain when she answers voters' questions on camera while palandering for votes.

palindrone — Empty gibberish that when spoken by a smiling, chipper Palin sounds the same backwards as it does forwards.

palinertia — A property of matter by which Herself remains in free-fall unless acted upon by some external force.

Palinese — The native language of Herself. Somewhere between English and utter horse hockey.

palinference — Faulty syllogism.  [Entry submitted by long-time TWM reader Milena]

palingenesis — 1. Political reinvention on a national level. 2. Embryonic development that reproduces the ancestral features of the Palin family (opposed to cheneygenesis). 3. Baptism in the evangelical faith.

palingual — Having the ability to speak both Palinese and English.

palinmony — The allowance the Palins attempted to levy against their former brother-in-law in the form of his forced dismissal as a state trooper. See also troopergate.

palinoscopy — A nationally televised procedure involving Katie Couric. Somewhat uncomfortable for the subject, and perversely entertaining/educational for the audience.

palinterest — Waning fast.

palinthropy — A philanthropic act or gift to one's Alaskan constituents. See also earmarks.

palintine — A feudal lord seeking sovereign power over her domains.

Palintino — A font family used for both text and display type. Its letters have a shapely enough body, but include expensive and overly-showy serifs.

palintology — "The [disturbing] study of [Herself] and how she sees the world."

palintoxication — The stupefying effect Herself has on "fair and balanced" Fox News anchors despite her palincompetence.

palintriloquism — The magical art of political ventriloquism. Boy, when they're really on their game, you can barely see McCain's mouth move when Palin speaks.  [Entry submitted by TWM reader JayDenver]

palioclimatology — The anti-science of claiming that humans are in no way responsible for climate change.

paliolithic age — 44, or roughly half that of John McCain.

pall — vb. To become pale; to lose strength or effectiveness when asked substantive questions. n. Something that covers or conceals the issues.

pallbearer — A handler who manages Herself in an attempt to keep her from speaking.

pallinative care — Medical treatment that aims to alleviate or reduce the suffering caused by Herself.

pallinator — An agent that pollinates Palins.

Paltoids™ — Something you take to freshen your breath but that ends up stinging your mouth, making you wish you could spit it out politely.  [Entry submitted by long-time TWM reader Sanjuro]

Palzheimer's disease — A degenerative disease of the central nervous system characterized esp. by the forgetfulness of inconvenient facts (or even convenient ones).

ta — Used as a function word to express motion or indicate direction toward, as in "Please, just send me back ta Wasilla."  [Entry submitted by TWM reader ItWasAFumble]

vindication — What herself claimed to feel after the Troopergate verdict, despite the findings of the court.

Wasilla — Herself's often-invoked hometown. She paints a folksy picture, but it's palinhospitable to the objective eye.

Comments

[Sanjuro]

paltoid -- something you take to freshen your breath but that ends up stinging your mouth, making you wish you could spit it out politely.

[milena]

palinference - faulty syllogism

[JayDenver]

Thanks for the expalination.

[JayDenver]

Palioquism -- The art of political ventriloquism, as practiced by John McBergen and Sara McCarthy.

Palimeanoes -- Unethical journalists who ask "Gotcha" questions.

Airspace -- a place usually occupied by a brain.

Palican -- You sure can stuff a lot of fish in that, also Neopatriotic Americans.

Lipstick on a porkbarrel -- an unsually futile coverup, see also "lipstick on a dead pig"

Pail-out -- a rare combination of circumstances involving a Wall Street panic, golden parachutes, unqualified candidates, unending wars and other calamities which require extraordinary measures to contain. Pail-outs should be considered a last ditch effort. Pail-outs are usually more effective when performed with a pork barrel.

[ItWasAFumble]

Ta: Used to express motion to a point, as in "I walked ta the store".

[peter]

Hi there! My graduation paper based of english phraseology demanded much attention on different dictionaries. http://rapid4me.com/?q=dictionary helped me a lot, and I didn't have to spend days and nights in the library. Hope you'll find these dictionaries useful too.