The Island of Misfit Words

I'm an editor. Much of my career centers around words, their usage and meaning. Sometimes, as I've noted in these pages, the current lexicon can be a bit much. Other times, it's sorely inadequate. The following is a list of excellent words I'd hate to see die off. And so I encourage you to use them — properly, often, and in good health. They are culled from my skull, friends, relatives, and the phenomenally entertaining and sadly out of print (though still eminently available) Mrs. Byrne's Dictionary of Unusual, Obscure, and Preposterous Words.

ablutions (n.) – the act of bathing. Big around my house, though we never seem to use it in reference to the kids. Rather, it's generally me asking my wife, "Have you finished your ablutions?" By which I mean not only "Have you finished with your shower?" but also, "Have you finished applying all of your girly lotions and potions and salves so that I can get into the bathroom and do manly things such as sit down on the can and do the crossword puzzle while having my constitutional?"

blivit (n.) – The American Heritage Dictionary might define blivit as "something annoying or pointless" or "something difficult or impossible to name" but those in the know have known forever that it's "ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag." See Rove, Karl.

callipygian (adj.) – having shapely buttocks. Excellent word for one of my favorite things. What more to say? "Certainly, it demands more research, but I have it on good authority that Jessica Alba is one of the most callipygian young actresses currently working in Hollywood."

comestibles (n.) – food. Almost always plural. I always think of this being used with brilliant pomposity by John Cleese in the Monty Python "Cheese Shop" sketch — and I always try my best to use it the same way.

constitutional (n.) – (note the small "c" — as in, not having to do with our Constitution) technically, a walk taken for one's health, but I tend more toward the Urban Dictionary's definition. As in, "Kindly extend to others the courtesy of turning on the bathroom fan for your morning constitutional."

cotton to (v.) – to have an affinity for. Generally used in the negative. "I don't cotton to all these folks denying the science of evolution."

dudgeon (n.) – A feeling of offense, resentment, or anger. "When the petulant and erratic John McCain referred to 'That One' in the second debate, it left me in a high dudgeon."

gin up (v.) – to drum up, prop up, fabricate, stimulate. "The Bush administration used this business of 'Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa' to gin up their case for invading Iraq."

kerfuffle (n.) – a commotion or brouhaha. A favorite of my wife's, as well as my friend The Gurgling Cod. "There is apparently some giant kerfuffle over on Facebook about breastfeeding pictures."

kibosh (n.) – something that serves as a check or a stop. "For Christmas this year, I was thinking we'd get ourselves a flat-screen TV with the Center Ice hockey package, but my wife put the kibosh on that one faster than you could say 'Jack Robinson'."

paraleipsis (n.) – mentioning something by saying you won't mention it. (i.e., "I won't say I told you so.")

randle (n.) – (definition via Mrs. Byrnes...) "A nonsensical poem recited by Irish schoolboys as an apology for farting at a friend." Let us just appreciate the phenomenal preposition in the definition. "...farting at a friend." Skilled, directional farting aside, I'd also like to point out the name of the protagonist in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest — a nice Irish lad, name o' McMurphy, Randle Patrick.

salve (n.) – a soothing remedy. I mostly just love pronouncing this word with a silent "l" (sav). It sounds so old-timey.

shindig (n.) – party. Anyone who has been to any of my various and sundry shindigs over the years knows how much I love and use this term.

sundry (adj.) – miscellaneous, various. I especially love the redundancy of "various and sundry."

sundries (n.) – miscellaneous small articles, details, or items. "Those Christmas sundries are certainly whimsical, but now they're just collecting dust."

truck (n.) – to have no dealings with. From the French troquer, meaning "to barter." As in, "I've got no truck with any of these damned creationist evangelical governors."

victuals (n.) – food and drink. "Last night, your callipygous young friend cottoned to victuals various and sundry, got ginned up, wound up in a kerfuffle outside the bar, left in a high dudgeon, and proceeded to vomit copiously on her shoes."

Comments

[milena]

we use 'ablution technology' to refer to any combination of shower gel, soap, shampoo, etc. in wanton juxtaposition of old and new.

wanton: another good word. Particularly where used outside the context of bar room belles.

[Sanjuro]

I had completely forgotten about callipygian, it is a stupendously good word. I'd like to put in a plug for "detritus", especially when used in the phrase "detritus of love".