The Weekly Meat

Facebook Status Update

I'm on The Facebook.

I'm updating my status, because that's part of the deal with The Facebook. It's the perverse cyber-window into which we allow ask friends and "friends" alike to peep.

But the status update is somehow more than that. Use it enough and it becomes the more real looking-glass through which we not only see ourselves, but through which we want the world to see us.

Too much gravitas? Maybe. After all, life is not about what we're doing at any given moment. But then again, grow your sample size of moments enough (particularly away from the witty or flattering ones), and suddenly it is. Because when we add up all our moments — especially the notable ones, both good and bad — that's all we have. And so, it's something.

What makes an update-worthy moment? Ultimately, it's up to each user, but as one of those ("We few, we happy few") without constant smartphone contact to The Internets, I just smile and nod thankfully when confronted with the more inane moments in my life. Without an uplink, I often find myself blessedly edited by circumstance. Because, in the moment, information that might seem necessary to share with one's extended circle of peers is, at second glance, generally not.

But arguably, it is precisely the small, inane moments that tend to paint a more clear picture of who I am: "BK is having irreconcilable differences with the hotel shower" maybe; or "made a slight error while cutting his hair and now fears Vanilla Ice comparisons"; or "is doing dangerous things involving a large pine tree, a saw and a ladder"; or "is trying not to stare at an Israeli waitress who looks like Angelina Jolie's more natural looking, younger sister." (All of those true at some point in the past several months, by the way.)

[BK is hoping that last one does not get him in trouble at home.]

We have always had some say in how we define our public selves, but our accessibility is so much broader these days — a phenomenon that gives us both more and less control over our own message (to use the language of marketing and politics). And in our present star-fucking culture, our default is to strive to be the focus of at least our own small pond.

After all, what is blogging, if not just that?

[BK pauses, self-referentially.]

But what and when to edit ourselves when life in front of so many new lenses has become the norm? I'm not sure, but thank god I'm already happily married, middle-aged, and mature enough for even momentary reflection, because if not, I'd surely have committed social suicide dozens of times by now.

Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube alone might constitute half of all web use among many teenagers, but I imagine they also offer today's yutes the constant threat of painful infamy. [BK is perhaps projecting here.] Because the flipside of saying "Look at me, look at me!" has forever been that, well, folks might actually look.

And then what?

Hmm... "BK is pulling a substantial quantity of lint from his belly button" maybe; or "should be able to turn the channel during a Man v. Food marathon"; or "worries he has become That Guy Who Picks His Nose at Traffic Lights"; or "should not have trusted that last fart."

Caucasian Chana Masala

A veggie posting today on The Meat, and a bit late, but I had a rough week of work. In fact, this past week, besides my wife and kids, pretty much only three things made me feel good about the world:

1. A single Friday night martini.
2. A birthday cake I made in the shape of a fish for my daughter.
3. Homemade chana masala.

You can figure out the martini on your own, and the "fish-cake" is a state secret I cannot share, but here's my take on number three.

CHANA MASALA

2 15.5 oz cans chick peas
1 tsp cumin seeds
1 medium onion, chopped
2 tsp ground coriander
1/2 tsp ground turmeric
1 tsp garam masala
1/2 tsp salt
2 toes garlic, minced
1" nub of ginger, minced
1-1/2 cups water (or beer)
3 tbsp tomato paste
1 tbsp lemon juice
1/4 tsp cayenne

Rinse beans in cold water and drain. In a saucepan, toast cumin seeds, stirring, several minutes till fragrant. Add onion with a splash of oil  and saute till translucent. Lower heat and add garlic, ginger, coriander, turmeric, garam masala, and salt. Cook/stir for 30 seconds. Add water/beer, and tomato paste. Mix and bring to a boil. Add beans, lemon juice, and cayenne. Stir, cover, and cook over medium for 15–20 minutes, or until beans are soft. Stir occasionally. If too dry, add a little more water/beer.

Monter au beurre.

Top w/scallions and cilantro, and serve w/rice.

State of the Meat Address

Madame Speaker, Mr. Vice President, Members of Congress, faithful readers, fellow citizens, and the First Lady of the United States:

I’ve like to address the distinguished men and women in this great blogosphere (a series of tubes, actually), and to speak frankly.

I know that for many of you reading right now, the state of our Weakly Weekly Meat is a concern that rises above all others. And rightly so. If you haven’t been personally affected by this blog, you probably know someone who has — a friend, a neighbor, a member of your family. The impact of this blog is real, and it is everywhere.

But while our writing may be temporarily weakened and our confidence shaken, I want every American to know this: We will rebuild, we will recover, and The Weekly Meat will emerge stronger than before.

The weight of the present crisis will not determine the destiny of this blog. The answers to our problems don’t lie beyond our reach. They exist in our laboratories and universities; in our fields and our factories; in the imaginations of our entrepreneurs and the pride of the hardest-working people on Earth. Those qualities that have made America the greatest force of progress and prosperity in human history we still possess in ample measure. What is required now is for this community to pull together, confront boldly the challenges we face, and take responsibility for our future once more.

If we’re honest with ourselves, we’ll admit that for too long, we have not always met these responsibilities — as a blog or as a people. The fact is, our work did not decline overnight. Too often, short-term gains were prized over long-term prosperity; where we failed to look beyond the next posting, the post after that, or even the post after that one. A surplus became an excuse to sit back and count our number of hits, our Facebook fans, our hyper-inflated profits. And all the while, critical discourse was put off for some other time on some other day.

Well that day of reckoning has arrived, and the time to take charge of our future is here.

Now is the time to act boldly and wisely — to not only revive this blog, but to build a new foundation for lasting prosperity. Now is the time to jump-start job creation, re-start lending, and invest in areas like ice hockey, art, leisure, food and drink that will grow our audience, even as we make hard choices to bring down our debt. That is what my agenda is designed to do.

None of this will come without cost, nor will it be easy. But this is The Internets. We don’t do what’s truthful. We do what is necessary to move this blog forward.

I suffer no illusions that this will be an easy process. It will be hard work. But work we must.

As we stand at this crossroads of history, the eyes of all people in all nations are once again upon us, waiting for us to lead. It is a tremendous burden, but also a great privilege — for in our fingertips lies the ability to shape our world for good or ill. I know that it is easy to lose sight of this truth — to become cynical and doubtful; consumed with the petty and the trivial.

But I have also learned that hope is found in unlikely places; that inspiration often comes not from those with the most power or celebrity, but from the dreams and aspirations of Americans who are anything but ordinary.

I think about Gertrude Hoofenmouth, the girl from a school I visited in Bibleton, Kansas — a town that was completely destroyed by a tornado, but is being rebuilt by its residents as a global example of how good will, clean energy, and Christ can power an entire community — how it can bring jobs and businesses to a place where piles of bricks and rubble once lay. And let me tell you something. That young lady said this: “We've got spirit, yes we do. We've got spirit, how 'bout you?”

Indeed, people. Young Gertrude's resolve must be our inspiration; your own concerns must be our cause. And vice versa. Ipso facto lorem ipsum. And we must prove that we are equal to the task before us.

I know that we haven’t agreed on every issue thus far, and there are surely times in the future when we will part ways. But I also know that every casual reader or Google search stumbler loves this blog and wants it to succeed. That must be the starting point for every piece we post in the coming months, and where we return after those posts are done. That is the foundation on which the global community expects us to build common ground.

And if we do — if we come together and lift this blog from the depths of this present crisis; if we put people back to work and restart the engine of our prosperity; if we confront without fear the challenges of our time and summon that enduring spirit of an Internets that does not quit, then someday years from now our children can tell their children that this was the time when we wrote something worthy of being satirized.

Thank you, God bless you, and may God bless America The Weekly Meat.

Vaya con carne, mis amigos!

Mixtape

Each year around the holidays, I do a mixtape for family and friends, as a way of saying, "You must hear this. Now." This year, the CD burner on the iMac shit the bed, so we're entering the eco-friendly fully digital realm. Download at will. And let me know what you think in the comments.

Playlist:

1. Haunted — Shane McGowan & The Popes
2. Real Good Looking Boy — The Who
3. Leader of the Pack — The Shangri Las
4. If I Were a Carpenter — Johnny Cash w/June Carter Cash
5. Foundations — Kate Nash
6. Another Nail in My Heart — Squeeze
7. Will It Go Round in Circles — Billy Preston
8. Say Hey — Michael Franti & Spearhead
9. It Mek — Desmond Dekker & The Aces
10. Steve's Hammer — Steve Earle
11. I Am the Light of This World — Blind Gary Davis
12. Special Friend — Larry Davis
13. Hemingway — Blue Clocks Green
14. The Crawl — Spirit of the West
15. When Will I Be Loved — John Fogerty & Bruce Springsteen
16. The Road to Rock 'N' Roll — Joe Strummer
17. Cover of the Rolling Stone — Dr. Hook & The Medicine Show
18. Saucy Johnny — Maggi, Pierce, & EJ
19. Hurt — Johnny Cash
20. Santa Ana — Bruce Springsteen
21. Up to Me — Bob Dylan
22. Haunted — The Pogues

Download zip file
+ track 22 (added late)

Liner Notes:

1/22. Haunted: An A-one Pogues song. A duet, written for the Sid & Nancy soundtrack. I won that LP by answering a trivia question correctly during a college radio station giveaway. It's a middling punk/pop soundtrack, and a so-so movie, but it gave me this song, which provided pitch perfect melancholy to my early 20s. Shane MacGowan would later re-record it with Sinead O'Connor. His version is raw, and not without its toothless charm, but the Elvis Costello-produced Pogues version with Cait O'Riordan is indeed haunting and beautiful, and ever my favorite. Here's both; you be the judge

3. Leader of the Pack: This tune was on a K-Tel–style compilation we had around the house when I was young. I ate it up. I was probably only 12 or 13, and this was right in the wheelhouse of my burgeoning fantasy world of heroism and melancholy.

11. I Am the Light of This World: In March, this song was played to great effect at the funeral for the son of a friend and former boss. Andy was 24 and had been teaching in Laos when he died. To put it much too simply, he was a good kid and the world will be a lesser place without him. After the funeral, I sought out my Blind Gary Davis CD and heard this old song in a new way that will forever be the way I hear it. For you, in heaven, Andy. Godspeed.

12. Special Friend: The Replacements led me to Alex Chilton, which led me to his work as a producer, which led me to this little gem.

13. Hemingway: Again, college. My senior year this time. One Saturday afternoon, painting in the art studio and listening to the station broadcasting from the other side of campus. It was what was called a progressive station, in those salad days before progressive stopped meaning anything to anyone. In any case, it was right there and then that I heard what might well be the catchiest tune ever written. It's not by anyone you've ever heard of, nor has it ever been featured in a John Hughes film, nor a hipster car commercial. But here it is — a perfect pop song.

16. The Road to Rock 'N' Roll: See TWM post on Joe Strummer.

18. Saucy Johnny: Very funny tune by friends Maggi, Pierce, & EJ.

19. Hurt: See TWM post on hurt.

21. Up to Me: See TWM post on song memories. One of my top five favorite songs of all time.