The Weekly Meat

Advertising versus Editorial Content FAIL

In retrospect, when manufacturing giant Airbus placed an adtvertising buy with CNN, they should have known this sort of mishap was possible. But corporate suits don't usually think in human terms. Especially French corporate suits. And so, below, via CNN.com just the other day, we had the proposterous juxtaposition of Airbus ads running with an article about, well, the failure and crash of one of the very planes on whose merits they hope to sell us.

Analysis of information from the flight data recorders on Air France Flight 447 showed the Airbus A330 plummeted 38,000 feet in 3 1/2 minutes, four hours into the journey from Rio de Janeiro to Paris.

A preliminary report by France's Bureau of Investigation and Analysis (BEA) found that the pilots were given conflicting speed readings in the minutes leading up to the crash.

Ads below; full article here on CNN.com (now, most likely, with a different ad).

Comment dit-on "imbeciles" en Français? Ah oui, «imbeciles».

Because Pasta Salad Sucks, That's Why

It's picnic season, people, and you need some go-to recipes that are not pasta salad. Let the lazy people who can't cook bring pasta salad. You will be bringing something much, much better. Because — if nothing else — you've got moxie enough, or luck enough, to be reading this blog.

Here are the staples I keep in heavy rotation.

• Dan Dan Noodles
  
  You can fake an easy "Peanut Noodles" recipe, but authentic dan dan noodles are no more difficult (and don't actually contain any nuts, if that's a concern). This is a great summer dish, because prep and cook time are minimal (even more so with lo mein or soba noodles), and they're served at room temperature. Buy a cheap, used copy of the invaluable Mrs. Chiang's Szechwan Cookbook (basic, adapted recipe follows, but the cookbook is utterly worthwhile, and one of the few that I regularly use). Typically, the prepped ingredients are mixed table-side by each diner, but it's easiest to mix and serve family style and let folks spice it up individually with hot pepper flakes or some Lan Chi chili paste with garlic.
  
  1 lb noodles
  6 cloves garlic
  2-inch piece of peeled, fresh ginger
  1/2 t Szechuan peppercorns, pan toasted
  3/4 t salt
  3 T water
  4 scallions, minced
  1 cup tahini
  6 T soy sauce
  1 T sugar
  
  While you cook the noodles, chop the garlic and ginger, then add peppercorns and salt, and use a mortar and pestle (or smear back and forth on the cutting board with the side of a chef's knife) to form a paste. In a bowl, blend together the garlic/ginger paste as well as all remaining ingredients. Drain cooked noodles, and let cool a bit, then add sauce and integrate w/noodles. Dig.

• Pulled Pork
  
  Will a little effort, you can achieve smoky, slow-cooked goodness in even a standard Weber kettle grill. And if you're looking to feed many for cheap, you'd be hard-pressed to find an easier alternative than buying yourself a whole pork shoulder, cooking it slow and low — till you barely need to pull it off the bone — and serving with a bit of BK Kine Cue Sauce. It's a fatty, forgiving cut that's fairly easy to work with. Novices, learn here. Experts, learn here.

• Baba Ghanoush
  
  Forget about making hummus as good as you might find in the middle east; just buy a tub of Sabra and call it a day. But outstanding homemade baba ghanoush is so damn easy it's criminal. You barely even need a knife. Fire up the grill (true baba needs that smoky grilled goodness) and follow the great recipe here.

• Gazpacho
  
  A great summertime staple, in that there's no cooking involved (so no sweating in the kitchen on an already-hot day). All you need to know is here in the blog archives.

• Deviled Eggs with tuna and olives
  
  Had these six years at Oleana in Cambridge, MA and began faking the recipe at home immediately. Ana Sortun's actual recipe here if you want to do it right, but suffice to say that simply adding some canned tuna and diced kalamatas will take even your grandma's deviled eggs to to a new level.

• Warm Melon Salad
  
  Alton Brown is a bit of a goofball, and this is a bit of a goofball recipe — but trust it. Forego the wok though and use the grill; it's summer, dammit. I've done it several times on the grill to great acclaim. It takes about 10 minutes, start to finish, and kicks ass. Give it a shot.

Right then. Now you have no excuses. So make something good. Or I will be forced to taunt you.

 

Get Your Meat On!

BREAKING: Wearable Meat now available from the TWM online store. Hip, "now," ironic, "sexy." Perhaps even ironically-sexy. Buy now! Operators are standing by! (*Not actually, but surely you know how to do the virtual ordering thing.)

My younger daughter likes to call this the "cow puzzle shirt."

Reading the Tea Leaves: Stanley Cup 2011

Well, I realize now that I set myself up two weeks ago by posting my Recipe for a Stanley Cup. So, with the finals upon us this very evening, I must follow through. So...

Can either team win? And if so, which one?

Let's go to the tale of the tape, as it were.

• 10–12 Canadians
  Check. Both teams have more than a dozen Canadians on the active roster, but neither team has an edge here. This one's a push.

•  >1 rock-solid shutdown defensemen
  The Canucks have an arguably better defensive corps, but Boston's Zdeno Chara is just an absolute monster to play against. Quite simply, he should be outlawed. Advantage: BRUINS.

• 1 well-respected captain
  Henrik Sedin for the Canucks; Zdeno Chara for the Bruins. Advantage: BRUINS.

• 1 smart coach
  Both smart enough to win, but neither one far outshines the other. Push.

• 1 pure shooter
  Both teams have guys who can finish (David Krejci, the Sedins) and do so in bunches, but — with Mark Recchi on the 18th hole of his distinguished career, and Marc Savard out indefinitely — neither team has a true sniper. Push.

• 1 faceoff specialist
  Patrice Bergeron is apparently healthy. And he's one of the best in the game. Advantage: BRUINS.

• 1 great goalie
  Tim Thomas and Roberto Luongo both fall into this category. But Luongo's been doing it for longer and more consistently than Thomas. He's a future hall of famer. Advantage: CANUCKS.

• 1 player on the verge of stardom
  The Bruins have a natural here in last year's second overall draft pick, Tyler Seguin. That might be asking a lot of the kid. We'll see. More reasonably, for Boston, this would be David Krejci. For the Canucks, Ryan Kesler. ADVANTAGE: BRUINS

• 1 gray beard
  Theoretically, this would be Mark Recchi, who is the same age as yours truly. Unfortunately for the Bruins' mojo, my playoff beard would be far more gray than Rex's is (and, I might add, I have more hair under my helmet). Fortunately for the Bruins' mojo, the Canucks oldest player was barely alive when my Flyers last won the Cup. So... Advantage: BRUINS.

• Grit
  
  • Win at least one game in overtime
    Check.
  • Win at least one game in which your team is facing elimination
    Check. 
  • Overcome the loss of one or more key players to injury
    Check. 

• Luck
  You can't predict luck. That's why it's called luck.

 

Optional:

• 1 average player, not on the verge of stardom, but playing completely out of his head.
  It is very hard not to like guys like the B's Rich Peverley and Chris Kelly, who have been outstanding. Advantage: BRUINS.

• "The best fans in the world"
  Yes, the Bruins fans are excellent, and Boston is one of the best sports towns. But Vancouver, as you might have heard, is in Canada. And in Canada, hockey is everything. Additionally, in Vancouver in particular, there is no baseball, football, or basketball; only hockey. Advantage: CANUCKS.

 

Well, there you have it. Both teams have what it takes to win a Cup. By my parameters, the BRUINS have more advantages than the Canucks, and should therefore win.

In reality, of course, the CANUCKS will win.