ANALTECH — Yes, really. They're "the logical choice thin-layer chromatography."
BIMBO Bakeries — Theoretically, it's supposed to be pronounced "beembo." Um, yeah, whatever. P.S. Now sponsoring the Philadelphia Union soccer team!
BJ's — Say I'm unnecessarily sexualizing this if you must, but I refuse to believe that the big box wholesale club is the first place folks go in their mind when they hear talk of "BJs."
BOLUS (Freight Systems) — 1. a rounded mass, as a) a large pill b) a soft mass of chewed food. 2. a dose of a substance (as a drug) that is administered intravenously. I often see their semis on the highway, and wonder each time why these people chose an obscure medical term (clearly not a family name) for their trucking business.
DEATH WISH PIANO MOVERS — Tongue-in-cheek, obviously. If you're going to go all in with a name like this, you damn well better be the absolute best at what you do. Maybe they are, maybe they're not (I haven't had occasion to use them, despite their proximity), but they seem to be doing OK for the moment.
...as opposed to, say, TNT freight — I'm not even sure what the TNT actually stands for, but when one work vendor insisted on using them instead of FedEx or UPS, we used to refer to them (accurately, I should add) as "Tomorrow, Not Today."
FLUKE Corporation — OK, so Fluke is the founder's last name. But actually using said name is about as brilliant as former New Hampshire politician Dick Swett or former NASCAR driver Dick Trickle not opting for either "Rich" or "Rick" as a nickname.
MAINE OXY — Sadly, as it happens, Maine leads the nation – by far – in the percentage of residents being treated for addiction to painkillers. Like, you know, Oxy.
NOVARTIS — Fancy-pants, bajillion dollar, multinational pharmaceutical company, yes. But with a name that sounds as funny/awkwardly clinical as the 100+ year old mouthwash that coined the term "halitosis." Mmm...
ORIFICE RECYCLING & REFUSE — With their bright pink recycling carts, you can "roll breast cancer to the curb." OK, so their hearts are in the right place. But, well, their heads are up their business name.
PHARTRONICS Engineering — Find them in Oklahoma City! [Insert your own phart joke here.]
SCHWING America — This concrete pump manufacturer couldn't have known when they started up back in the mid-'70s that the phenomenon of Wayne's World would make them a household word/joke by the mid-'90s.
WANG Laboratories — They've been defunct for 15 years, but no list like this would be complete without mentioning the once-giant Wang.
Best worst-named company? The hands-down winner ...
SOFA KING — Sofa king good because it's sofa king funny.