I know we haven't seen you in a while, and I just wanted to explain a bit. Oh, no no no. Don't be silly. No. It's not you. It's your kids. They're completely insufferable.
I love you guys. It just the kids.
I can't stand spending time with them, and am definitely not into them influencing or even really hanging out with our own kids.
Look, first off, don't be hard on yourselves. We all have friends with deficits. Surely you guys know some folks whose choice of spouse left you asking "What the hell!?" (you can probably even guess who I'm talking about) — and left us avoiding said couple as much as possible. I mean it's tough enough for two people to get along, and more difficult for two couples. Add kids to the mix, and the results can be a total freaking nightmare.
Sure, we do have a few friends whose kids we enjoy. We are happy to invite them over, happy they're such good friends with our own kids, etc. And that's great. Whatever. With you guys, it's probably just a better idea to schedule a babysitter and get together after the kids have all gone to bed.
Look, kids can be awful. And when they're not your own kids, they're worse. But yours are even worse than that. And who needs that aggravation? We've got our own crap to deal with. I'm sure you can understand.
Obviously, we're not talking about some prissy Miss Manners stuff. More like that god-awful pox Honey Boo Boo meets The Omen's Damien Thorn. As a Yankees fan!
But hey — we want you to know there's absolutely no question of blame. We don't judge. I'm not going to sit here arguing nurture versus nature. Who cares? Let others worry over whether the "issue" lies in your clear inability to parent your children or whether sometimes bad kids happen to good people. I just miss you guys and was thinking we should hang out. You know?
So let's do it. Grown-ups night out! Yeah?