There are plenty of other brews out there — but they're for little foreign guys who use big words and drive little cars. These 10 outstanding new lagers from WOOT! Beer™ are for patriotic red-blooded American patriots like yourself who know a nice pair of cans when they see them — and enjoy WOOTing at 'em!
So Drink WOOT! And think outside the bottle!
COLD™ — COLD-brewed and shipped ice COLD so you can enjoy the exclusive ice-COLD taste of our ice-COLD beer! You'll know that it's ice COLD when you see the COLD-chilling Snow Miser on the label! So grab some cooze a koozie and hold on tight!
ZERO™ — All the alcohol, but with ZERO calories and ZERO taste! It's less than lite, it's ZERO™! WOOT!
TASTE™ — Our darkest, tastiest beer yet (a rich, amber-gold lager!) crafted especially for your uppity in-laws and your designated driver friend over there in the corner! TASTE™ is the one beer to have when you're having only one!
MOUNTAINS™ — Beer is about big, fake, heaving, mountainous MOUNTAINS straining against the scant fabric of the great outdoors! (If you know what we're saying.) And MOUNTAINS™ is no exception, with crisp, full-color pictures of MOUNTAINS on every can!
HEAD™ — This big sucker is ultra-aerated for more suds. Because who doesn't like getting a little more HEAD!?
REGURGITATOR™ — Our brewer-engineers have flavor-sealed each beer molecule in Olestra™ to ensure for you that our easiest-drinking brew is as smooth going down as it is coming up!
URINATOR™ — The holy grail day-after cure! A super-smooth, warm, pale-yellow lager that drinks like water, and contains multivitamins, caffeine, and natural diuretics to help you pee out the evils of the previous night.
P.S. As a public service, and to appease those hordes of ninny killjoy moms, we remind you: Please, kids, BE ERresponsible when you WOOT!